when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
