Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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