sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
