woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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