I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
