I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
