I didn't shave. On purpose
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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