I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
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You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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