There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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