At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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