last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
