Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
