I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
