Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
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