hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
