I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
