she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
