You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
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She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize