mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
