maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Someone shattered a urinal.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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