Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
