Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
