we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
