toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
