I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
It's never too late to be topless.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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