I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Randomize
