margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
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The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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