I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
