she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
