I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
