i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
