I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We left the knife in your bed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize