HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
