Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
