Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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