Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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