I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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