Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
