If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
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