I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
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