WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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