Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Randomize
