Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Randomize
