The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
