I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
