i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
