My liver just broke up with me...
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
