Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
