dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
