Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
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