I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
