They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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