***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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