I want to have your abortion
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
