ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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