There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Little spoons don't ask big questions
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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