Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Randomize
