If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
be right there i have to get my cape
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
