Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you