You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
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Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
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I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.