I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So much rum. So many feels.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.