last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
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