Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him