Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
my shit smells like andre
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
