What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
