Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?