If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
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I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
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He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.