And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?