I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I cannot find my penis.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
