Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
