I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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