I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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