Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
