My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
