JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What a dumb baby whore.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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