she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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