you have to choose: penises or morals?
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
