I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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