she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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