I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
