How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
