I think i peed on brittanys purse
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Randomize
