i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
