don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
