hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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