Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
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as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
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Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I forget how to act sober
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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