Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
